Top 10 Small “Non-word” Comforts for the Days of Grief

Canoe on water Photo Copyright MXS 2022

Words brought me so much comfort in my grief after the death of my twin, but many “non-word” things did too.

Below I share 10 small comforts that do not involve reading to experience them.

This is my own top 10 list. However, research shows I’m not alone in finding them soothing.

I see these comforts as gifts from God.

Yes, first and foremost God comforts and helps me through His promises and truths in the Bible.

He also comforts me through other people. I most certainly could not have come through the heartbreak of losing my twin without the unconditional love of my family and friends.

But God is the Creator of all -- smells, sunsets, and singing.

Why couldn’t He show His love and care through what we experience by way of our noses, taste, skin, hearing and eyes?

10. Scents and other self-care moments. A tube of lip balm. Fresh toothpaste. Clean-smelling soap. I have been surprised by how taking a few moments for self-care can offer some small comfort. Who knew that a slip of gloss on our lips or a refreshing fragrance on our skin could touch our aching souls?

Proverbs 27:9a: “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart” (NIV).

9. Sleep. I found a lot of comfort in sleep in the time immediately after my twin’s death. For one thing, it gave me a break from being aware that she was gone. I could go to sleep and not realize how much sadness I was living through. Often, I dreamed of her.

Some people may find they sleep less or struggle to sleep during a time of intense grief. For me, sleep helped me through.

Psalm 4:8: “I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O Lord, will keep me safe.” (NLT).

8. Sweets and other comfort foods. I have always loved food, and desserts are probably my favourite. Although I had to be careful of over-indulging, I did find some small solace in sitting down to a meal in my darkest days.

“All sorrows are less with bread.” Miguel de Cervantes

7. Sunshine.  Many studies show that regular splashes of sunshine may have a positive effect on our moods and mental health. I am not ritualistic about it, but I try to make time to get outside for about an hour every day. Even on cold winter days, the sunlight often helps me feel just a bit better.

6. Artwork. We don’t need to be fancy art collectors to be comforted by a painting. Art can reach parts of our souls that words may not.

Shortly after my twin’s death, I glanced up while dining in a restaurant to glimpse a painting on a wall of a sunlit family sitting on the grass watching boats in the water. A yearning in my spirit that I could not explain prompted me to search out the artist’s name on the painting. Years later I was able to get several of her paintings to hang on our walls. They still bring me comfort to this day.

5.  Holding babies and kittens. Cradling little warm bundles of vulnerable life can ease the ache in our hearts in surprising ways. I know without a doubt that going on to raise my three children after my twin passed away very much helped me return to joy. A big part of that return had to do with holding my precious children close as babies and toddlers.

4. Listening to someone in real life playing music. Years ago, my mother would plead with me to play the piano for her though I never fully understood her yearning.

I recall one time shortly after my father’s death when she was in poor health. At her request, I played hymn after hymn while she lay on the couch with her eyes closed. We had nothing more than an old clunky electronic keyboard at the time and I hadn’t practiced in a while, but I might as well have been Beethoven himself, she was so full of emotional gratitude.

Now, having gone through many trials, I understand much more deeply how soothing it can be to listen to someone in the flesh playing an instrument and/or singing. Recorded songs on Spotify or Youtube can be a comfort too, of course.

But I have found that live music with mistakes and less polish often touches my spirit more than the most perfect sound through an electronic box.

“Music can heal the wounds that medicine cannot touch.” — Debasish Mridha

3. Walking. Some may question whether walking truly counts as a comfort. Helpful? Sure. Healthy? Absolutely. But a comfort? With most comforts, we need to do very little to get them. That is partly why they are comforting – they don’t require much exertion!

Walking, on the other hand, does ask for at least some energy to keep taking one step in front of the other.

I may see walking as a comfort in part because I have been doing it for so long. It is comforting insofar as it is a familiar routine in my day.

But I also count walking as a comfort because, for me, it usually consists more of gentle movement than fast, brisk pacing. That, and the quiet of the outdoors where I walk helps calm my spirit.    

2. Sunrises, seashores, stars, and mountains. I could go on and on about the times that a glorious sunrise, a lapping seashore, or a splash of the Milky Way across the velvet night sky has soothed and quieted me. I’ve lived on the west coast for a bit, and always found the presence of the quiet, majestic mountains calming.

1. Smiles. I cherish several clear memories of moments when a smile helped me go on when I was so sad. I recall one time when the cheery disposition of an older woman lifted my troubled spirit at a church service. Her name was Eva. She clearly had a mental disability and was morbidly obese but her sweet, happy musings were exactly what I needed to hear that night.

“We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.” Mother Theresa

God “with skin on”

A friend once confessed to me that when it came to trusting God to meet her needs, she needed “someone with skin on.”

Simply reading, thinking, and talking about God wasn’t enough for her.

She needed to experience God’s presence and help in a tangible way, a way that she could touch and taste, hear, and see.

My friend implied that she wasn’t sure that God would answer that need for her, at least not in this life.

I didn’t know how to answer her then.

Now, I would humbly say three things:

1.     God “put skin on” when Jesus came to Earth to live and die for us more than 2,000 years ago.

“God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.” 1 John 4: 9 (NLT)

2.     By the work of the Holy Spirit, God loves us through other people. Their skin is His skin. The following verses make exactly that point!

“Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love has been brought to full expression through us.” 1 John 4: 11-12 (NLT)

3.     If we truly believe God is creator of all, then we can see all these tangible comforts I’ve just talked about, as well as others, as God’s “skin” in our world. Because He made them, we can view them as proof that we can see, touch, taste, hear, and smell His presence and care.

“You alone are the Lord. You made the skies and the heavens and all the stars. You made the earth and the seas and everything in them. You preserve and give life to everything, and all the angels of heaven worship you” Nehemiah 9:6 (NLT).

Call to Action: Make a 10 list of your own small “non-word” comforts that help you in your hard times. If you want to share, I’d love to hear.