Have you ever experienced a time when someone’s sincere, sweet expression of love for you made you feel slightly uncomfortable? Maybe even a bit embarrassed? Awkward?

A long-time friend stopped by for a quick visit, one of only a handful in the past two years. But while the chat was welcome, the stilted politeness was new and awkward. We never talk about it, but she and I both know we’ve moved in different directions with respect to pandemic-related questions. That day, we couldn’t seem to puncture the wall those differences have erected in our relationship.

My husband never got to know my twin, Maria. Mike and I met about a year after Maria was killed in a car accident.

After the death of my twin, I found myself wondering, no, expecting, another horrible loss just around the corner. If such a terrible thing could happen once, why not again, I rationalized. Worry and near-panic often took hold of my spirit as I felt sure tragedy would be striking again the very next day.

Saying goodbye may be one of the worst things we have to do on earth. But God answers that pain with Himself. He does not take away the reality of saying goodbye to our loved ones. At least He hasn’t yet, although we have a promise about that too. But while we are on this earth, we have something wonderful to help us through till we reach that heavenly promise: God’s presence and His promise that He will never ever say goodbye to us, not in this life and not in the one to com

My twin’s death has tattooed an awareness of life’s shortness on my soul. I will never again be able to slip into that intoxicating delusion that death is not coming for me too. Maybe my slicing awareness has something to do with the fact that she is my other half, and now my other half is no longer on earth. The reality of my mortality is tied to me in a way that I will never be able to fully escape.

I have seen God work in absolutely amazing ways as others have prayed. And that is why I believe that praying for others may be one of the most powerful things we can do on earth. Praying for ourselves is a wonderful start, of course. But praying in all sincerity and earnestness for others . . . Now that is where we begin to plug into the power plant of all power plants.

I learned about my mom’s death from a text. Like black splinters, the teeny print on my phone screen proclaimed the end of one of the most precious people in my life.

Trusting that someday my joy would return helped carry me through my grief after my twin died.  While in the worst hours I couldn’t even think past the next pain-filled moment, somewhere in the midnight of my sorrow, a hope light glimmered. This hope light was my belief that the Bible is to be trusted when it talks about suffering lasting only for a time.

You may wonder why I have chosen to go back to this very terrible day in my life, the day my twin Maria was killed. Believe me, it has not been easy. I have prayed and anguished my way through the remembering. But I chose to go back because I want to share a memory that I have never shared with anyone before. It is a memory that I have held close to my heart as a precious treasure for many years.

The beautiful mystery of it all is that while on earth, God allows us to have tears. In heaven, there will be a new economy where tears are not part of the equation. We have been promised this in Revelation. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever” (Revelation 21:4).

I honestly just want to share my story, in hopes that it may, in some small way, be an encouragement and comfort to someone. I want to offer the same comfort and hope that I have received.